One Year Ago Today.....

One year ago today we brought our sweet little Alyson home for the first time since birth. She was in there for nearly 8 weeks since birth. I remember when we were right about to start disconnecting the monitors from her I was freaking out because I depended on those monitors to tell me what her oxygen/heart rate/etc. levels were at. I didn't give myself enough credit because I knew when something wasn't right, I just thought I needed the monitors around to tell me something wasn't right also. Some friends of ours came over a while back to see Alyson for the first time and my friend said "um, her lips are blue" to which I replied glancing briefly at Alyson "oh yeah that's part of her defect having lower oxygen levels" shrugging it off. She looked a little stunned because obviously a healthy baby with blue lips wouldn't be a good thing! I'm just glad that we have the knowledge that we do so we know if we shouldn't worry...or worry!




Alyson has been such a blessing in our home. She has such a sweet spirit and I don't know what we did to ever get such 2 great little girls. Alyson and Olivia are such great friends and it's fun to watch them play...and let's be honest, fight! That's my favorite part watching Alyson hold her own against Olivia!!! I am grateful for all the things I have learned about myself and being a heart mother and I saw this poem the other day and thought it was very fitting.

I Am A Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,

I'll never be the same.

They told me that my child was sick...

I thought, am I to blame?

I don't think I can handle this...

I'm really not that strong.

It seemed my heart was breaking...

As, I'd loved her for so long.

I will not give up on this child...

Despite your best "advice".

I will give my child a chance...

No matter what the price.

And I will learn all that I need...

To help my child to thrive.

I'll even use that feeding tube...

My child will survive!

Will she require therapy?

What if she can't gain weight?

Alright God I can do this...

I will not curse our fate.

The feed pump beeps (at 3:00am)...

It serves as my reminder.

How many parents would welcome that sound?

Tomorrow Lord, I will be kinder.

Another angel earns their wings...

And I run to my sleeping child's bed.

I watch her then, for quite awhile...

(I bend down and kiss her head).

Then I cry for the parents whose lives have been broken.

And I look to God wondering why?

Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways...

No matter how I try.

And yet, I trust You to hold her life...

(And guide us through each day).

My mind says savor each moment she's here...

But my heart whispers, "Please let her stay".

From...pacing the surgical waiting room...

To sitting by her hospital bed.

From...wishing for a good night's sleep...

To learning every med.

From...wondering will she be alright...

To watching her reach out her hands.

With every smile, my heart just melts...

(Despite life's harsh demands).

For all who see that faded line...

I look to them and smile.

You see, my child is loved so much...

I would face any trial.

That same scar I trace with my finger...

(It's the door to her beautiful heart).

I never guessed how much I'd love her...

(Just as YOU loved her right from the start).

A heart mom is always a heart mom...

(Now wise beyond her years).

And for those who have angels in heaven...

Our hearts share in all your tears.

Everyday I will strive to remember...

You chose me for her (and no other).

And I will embrace that beautiful day...

When I became a "heart mother".

~ Stephanie Husted ~